Monday, August 21, 2017

All I know..... is that i don't know.

We have five children. Yep. Five. And we have both regrets and praises, with all five of them, as individuals. The older three, we were worried about putting groceries on the table, and were too young to have enough life wisdom, to pass along. They never really “wanted” for anything, but also had to fight for anything they really had their heart set on. If their heart really wasn’t “set on it", they didn’t get it. Looking back, do you really know what you want in life at 19-20-21? So again, they fought for everything. Friendships, Jobs, money, personal relationships, and careers that would work for them. Is that a bad thing? I wish it would have been easier for them, but a bad thing? I love who they are today, and I think they appreciate those “battles”.
The younger two? We learned so much in round one, this is easy, right!?


One has college paid for, so she covers her own “expenses". One has to pay for college, so gets his “expenses” covered. Those feel like the easy parts now!
What about the not realizing what it’s like to make a monthly cell phone, and insurance payment you’ve avoided your whole life? What about valuing your pre-paid college and making the most of it? What about being forced to work, to pay for those expenses, while trying to balance your classes? What about relationships? What about the too pushy girlfriend or boyfriend, before REAL life has even started? What about paying off all that student debt?
All we really know, is that we still don’t know a damn thing.
All we really know, is that we will love them endlessly.
All I know is that I will defend them till I die.
I will be the crazy Mom, shooing away unwanted advances from my daughter. I will be the crazy Mom, that hurts my son’s girlfriend’s feelings.
All I know is that I will be ferocious with anything that appears detrimental to them.
And all because I don’t even have it figured out yet myself, so once again, why would I expect them to have it figured out at 19 and 20?
All we can do is be there. Every single day. Not just on the easy days.
All we can do is apologize when our guidance may not have been the best.
All we can do is make our best attempts at protection.
All we can do is love.
Because at the end of the day, I don’t care if they are “average”. They aren't average to me.
I care about their minds, heats and souls.
As long as they are happy. As long as they know we gave them our everything. All five.

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